तुम तो ख़ुदा हो

 

तू तो ख़ुदा  है, तेरे लिए तो सब आसान है ना

यूँ तो अपने लिए मैंने कभी कुछ माँगा नहीं

आज माँगूँ तो तो दोगे ना?

मेरी बेटी मुझे हँसता देख के हंसती है

उसकी ख़ुशी का कोई कारण नहीं होता

मुझे भी ऐसी बेबाक हंसी दे दो

हाँ, जानती हूँ , मुझे भी दी होगी तुमने

लेकिन मुझसे खो गयी है कहीं, तुम वापस दोगे ना?

तुम तो ख़ुदा हो, तुम्हारे लिए तो सब आसान है ना

मेरी बेटी बिलकुल नहीं रोती

वो रोती है जब उसे भूख लगती है

या जब उसको नींद आती है

मेरा पेट भरा है और नींद भी पूरी है

फिर क्यों मुझे ज़रा सी बात पे रोना आता है

मुझको यूँ हमेशा खुश रहना सीखा दो ना

हाँ, जानती हूँ ,मुझको भी सिखाया होगा तुमने

लेकिन मैं भूल गयी हूँ, तुम वापस से सिखाओगे ना?

तुम तो ख़ुदा हो, तुम्हारे लिए तो सब आसान है ना

मेरी बेटी बाहें खोल के सोती है

कभी कभी छोटी सी आहात से उठ जाती है

मगर फिर चैन से सो जाती है

मुझे यूँ बाहें खोल के सोना बता दो ना,

हाँ, जानती हूँ ,मुझे भी बताया होगा तुमने

लेकिन अब मुझे नहीं आता है , तुम मुझे वापस से बताओगे ना?

तुम तो ख़ुदा हो, तुम्हारे लिए तो सब आसान है ना

मेज़

मेरे दिल के एक कोने में मेरे कमरे के कोने जैसे एक मेज़ है
जिसपे मेरी पुरानी यादों के कागज़ पड़े रहते हैं

खिड़की से जब वक़्त की हवा चलती है तो मैं
सूखे फूलों के गुलदान के नीचे उनको दबा देती हूँ

वरना पूरे कमरे में यादें बिखर जाती हैं
एक एक करके उन पन्नों को उठाने में
मैं खुद कतरा कतरा बिखर जाती हूँ , बेहिस ही लौट जाती हूँ उन पलों में

किसी रोज़ वो मेज़ से सारी यादों के पन्ने हटा दूँगी
और बहा दूँगी समंदर में जिसके किनारे बैठ के तुमसे हमेशा साथ रहने का वादा किया था


वो कोने की मेज़ अब खाली ही रहती है , गुलदान के फूल
और भी सूख गए हैं , पत्तियां  भी झड़ गयी हैं
बस सूखी सी टहनियां बची हैं किसी छूने से वो भी टूट जाएगी। 

Gulzar - गुलज़ार

गुलज़ार

ये सिर्फ नाम नहीं है।
जज़्बातों का सैलाब है।

जब कभी उनकी कवितायेँ , कहानियां , गीत पढ़ती या सुनती हूँ, तो लगता है कोई ऐसा कैसे सोच सकता है

कोई गीत पहली बार सुन के ही  लग जाता है के ये और कोई नही लिख सकता सिवाए गुलज़ार के।

गुलज़ार एक कवि या लेखक नही हैं वो खुद में ही साहित्य का एक विद्यालय हैं

कितना कुछ है सीखने को।

उनकी आवाज़ और शब्दों में इतनी पाकीज़गी है के जैसे लगता है कोई धर्मग्रन्थ पढ़ रहे हैं...

उनकी कुछ पंक्तियाँ आज उनके जन्मदिन पे पेश हैं..
किसी क्रम में नहीं, जो जिस क्रम में मेरे दिमाग में आती हैं मैं लिखती हूँ...

' बीच आसमान में था, बात करते करते ही
चाँद इस तरह बुझा जैसे फूँक से दिया
 देखो तुम..... इतनी लंबी सांस मत लिया करो!'

' नए नए चाँद पे रहने आये थे , हवा न पानी , गर्द न कूड़ा
न कोई आवाज़ न हरकत ,
चलते हैं ... जो भी घुटन है , जैसी भी हो, चल के ज़मीन पर रहते हैं '

'इस कदर सख़्त हैं, बेहिस हैं, रवायत के पत्थर
जां चली जाये मगर जान छुड़ाना बड़ा मुश्किल है यहाँ '


' दफ़न कर दो हमें के सांस मिले , नब्ज़ कुछ देर से थमी सी है
आज फिर आपकी कमी सी है '

'जिसका भी चेहरा छीला अंदर से और निकला '

'कभी ज़िन्दगी से माँगा पिंजरे में चाँद ला दो ,
कभी लालटेन देके कहा आसमाँ पे टांगो "

'ओट में छुप के देख रहे थे चाँद के पीछे पीछे थे,
सारा जहाँ देखा , देखा न आँखों में, पलकों के नीचे थे'

गुलज़ार साहब हम आपकी  लंबी और सेहतमंद उम्र की दुआ करते हैं

जन्मदिन मुबारक...

 

शाम

ढल रहा था सूरज गुजरती हुयी शाम थी, ये शाम आज फिर तेरे ही नाम थी
अज़ाब ये इन्तज़ार बेरूह मेरी जान थी सुर्ख बादलों से भी सुर्ख मेरी आंख थी

Dhal raha tha suraj, Ghuzarti huyi shaam thi, Ye Shaam aaj fir tere hi naam thi
Azaab ye intezaar, be rooh meri jaan thi, surkh baadalon se bhi Surkh meri aankh thi

चन्द मिस्रे जो तुझे दिये थे, वो अधूरे ही छूटे हैं आज तक

उन्ही अधूरे मिसरों में अटकी मेरी जान थी, उन अधूरी ग़ज़लों में उलझी मेरी रात थी 

Chand misre jo tujhe diye the, wo adhoore hi chhoote hain aaj tak
Unhi adhoore misron mei atki meri jaan thi, un adhoori ghazalon mei uljhi si meri raat thi

फ़लक पे ठहरा वो चाँद जो महज़ एक दिन पूरा होता है, कभी कम कभी ज़्यादा होता है
तुम्हारा वो इक रोज़ आना नसीबों की बात थी, मेरी मोहब्बत भी उस रोज़ मुकम्मल सी बात थी 

Falak pe thehra wo chaand jo mehez ek din mukammal hota hai, kabhi kam kabhi zyada hota hai
Tumhara wo ik roz aana naseebon ki baat thi, meri mohabbat bhi uss roz mukammal si baat thi...

ढल रहा था सूरज गुजरती हुयी शाम थी, ये शाम आज फिर तेरे ही नाम थी

Happiness

I was sitting in a massive pandal of भागवत कथा वाचन. For those who doesn't know about Bhagwat Katha, it is 7 days reading book fest. A learned person is chosen as Vyas and he reads the Bhagwat Katha, story of all the avtars of Lord Vishnu according to Hindu mythology. Aacharya/vyas ji was reading the story, singing Bhajans and Shloks also. Most of the stories were already known to me. What I have read myself or watched in several mythological serials on television. So I wasn't much interested in listening what he was saying. But i was still sitting there partially listening to Vyas ji, partially observing ladies sitting next, left, right, all around me. That is the best utilization of time I could think of that time. In the story, Lord Rama was born and Vyas ji started singing a bhajan to welcome the lord and to give wishes to His parents for His arrival. As the live orchestra (includes a tabla, harmonium, a flute and a vocal artist) joined Vyas ji, I saw a lady in red saree stood up having an musical instrument in her hands like clap and started dancing showly. Soon she was joined with other ladies. I laughed and thought women/girls just need a reason to dance then I cast my eyes at the other end of Pandaal. Some of the men also dancing at the birth celebration of Lord Rama. I noticed an old lady (must be in her fifties) she was also dancing 3 rows in front of me. She was wearing Rajasthani Ghaghra Choli and white color Rajasthani bangles till her elbows. She looked happy and content like she doesn't need anything in her life. Like she has surrendered herself in the name of Lord. Bhajan ended and everyone sat down. Vyasji continued his story till Krishna janma. By that time everyone indulged themselves in the struggle Vasudev, father of Krishna, put to save the life of his new born son. I saw the pain in everyone's eye. How desperately they waited for the birth of their lord. As Krishna was born in the story Vyasji started singing another bhajan to wish Maa Yashoda and Nand baba on the birth of their son. (If you wonder Vasudev was father of Krishna then what is relation between Vasudev and Nand baba, you have to read Hindu mythology) This time half of the crowd stood from their place and started dancing. I am not fond of loud music so I was not at all liking what they were doing. At first I thought its bullshit. Hindu Gurus and Pandits take advantage of common man's spiritual beliefs. But then I saw a couple of faces. They were happy. They were enjoying themselves. The loud music (precisely noise). The crowd must be around 150 people. 50% were senior citizen. 30% were house wives from middle class society. Senior citizen who have done everything in their life and now all they wanted is to serve God for his beautiful gift of life to the. . House wives who wake up first in their home, serve the need of everyone at their homes. There must not be any excitement in their life. House wives who usually gossip about neighbour's daughter/son. No gossiping here. They were listening to the story and now dancing as if a baby is born in their family. Everyone was happy. Some were happily dancing some were happy seeing everyone dancing. It was a beautiful sight to watch. I, who was least interested sometimes back, felt happiness. This reminded me that one of my friend once said to me , what matters is that we are happy at the end of the day. He is usually happy at the end of the day because he gets to eat good food.  Happiness is in our happiness. Taking our sadness to our bed at night is never a good idea. Finding out what makes us happy is not a big task. It could be watching a good movies, your fav tv serial, eating/making good food, reading books, writing a piece on something happen in day, praying, a walk, singing, a drive/ride, playing a musical instrument/sport, painting or anything you like. We just need to look forward to be happy. Once in a while feeling sad is normal. We are human being and anything can make us sad. But to remain sad or look forward for happiness is in our hand. So, choose happiness.

..

She was not happy for the coming holidays. She was sad because she knew she has nothing to do in these holidays. She can't go out and roam around aimlessly. She wanted to watch a movie and she insisted him to go. He didn't deny but didn't say yes either. So, basically she has no plan for long weekend except cooking. But she liked cooking, for her cooking is not duty to feed her family. It is more like a stress buster. Sitting at her window looking out at sky she thought like this infinite sky our expectations are also infinite. These expectations are major cause of our problems, disappointments and anxiety. Evening sun was setting. Color of the infinite sky changed from blue to orange then purple and finally black. She watched birds flying in groups. They are flying towards their nests, she thought, to feel the comfort of their home. She also wanted to feel that comfort of home which she didn't feel from many years. She sleeps 7-8 hrs everyday but she didn't feel relaxed. She was battling with herself for what she wants, why nothing in this world is giving her comfort, why doesn't she feel in peace. She has asked this question to herself many times but the answer is always same 'silence'. She is dealing with these questions from past couple of months. She has stopped expecting but her subconcious still expects from him. Which she tries to ignore. But not everytime. Her thought marathon was interrupted by his voice who asked her if she wants a coffee, he is going to make one for him. She nodded and closed the window. "The weather is chiller than yesterday", she said to him. He pulled her towards him, put his arms around her and hugged her. He asked if she is feeling cold. She also hugged him and said, "No this place is cosy and warm." He kissed her on forehead. She kissed his chest because this is where she could reach. She loves to rest her head on his chest while they hug. She felt comforted in his arms. She felt at peace. She felt safe. She felt the love and care. She forgot about everything she was thinking and lived in the moment she was. She knew having him besides her she will detangle her thoughts one day.

A beginning...

For her it is the last day
She wanted to tell what she could never say
She wanted to hug him tight
She wanted to kiss him tonight
She dialed his number
What will he say she does wonder
He didn't talk to her
He didn't come to meet her
She was sad
She was going mad
What is wrong
What was wrong
But no answers to her questions
No one she could ask for suggestion
She killed her expectations
She didn't ask for explanations
She left the city with heavy heart
With his memories which keep hurt
She tried to live in pain
But now she has opened the locks of that chain
She is free like never before
It's a new beginning after that last day, with a new she which she did explore